First, something to set the mood.

me : (9:33:58 PM)

对不起，你是不是wenxin的妈妈？

wenxin: (9:34:13 PM)

NO KWANGLIN

!sadness? says: (9:34:20 PM)

LOL

[c=20][c=6]Violetina♥[/c] set me free, let me be, i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity;[/c] says: (9:34:52 PM)

I KNOW YOU'RE A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION SO FIGMENTS OF IMAGINATION SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE.

!sadness? says: (9:35:04 PM)

喂！你怎么知道我得名字？：O

!sadness? says: (9:36:38 PM)

wenxin真的是一个好孩子！你其实不用偷看她的msn。对不起哦

[c=20][c=6]Violetina♥[/c] set me free, let me be, i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity;[/c] says: (9:37:27 PM)

lol thanks for telling me that

[c=20][c=6]Violetina♥[/c] set me free, let me be, i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity;[/c] says: (9:37:36 PM)

i shall give the computer to her now

[c=20][c=6]Violetina♥[/c] set me free, let me be, i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity;[/c] says: (9:37:42 PM)

hey kwang!

!sadness? says: (9:37:58 PM)

wenxin

!sadness? says: (9:38:42 PM)

她也交很好的朋友，不象michelle一样，跟学姐谈恋爱

!sadness? says: (9:39:09 PM)

好les哦！

!sadness? says: (9:39:28 PM)

你看，我就是一个好朋友。

[c=20][c=6]Violetina♥[/c] set me free, let me be, i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity;[/c] says: (9:39:48 PM)

LOL HAHA KWANGLIN THIS IS GETTING FUNNIER AND FUNNIER

!sadness? says: (9:39:54 PM)

其实，我还没做完作文。。。

!sadness? says: (9:40:40 PM)

狼来吃面包！！！

yes, i STILL haven't finished my zuowen and in an EXTREMELY PROCRASTINATEY MOOD and should STOP GETTING DISTRACTED

anyway, back to the emo things.

I really don't know who to trust any more. Maybe there are really people I can trust. Maybe I just don't dare to any more, because last time I believed that, let's just say it didn't work out, more than once. Will I really ever know anyone for who she really is, including myself? Is there really such a thing as true friendship; everlasting, sincere, all-odds-withstanding, sacrificial, loving?

I stare at myself, and realise I'm a horrible friend. I realise that if I was someone else I'd hate me.

Why then do I have so many friends?

And why do I keep getting hurt by them, unintentionally?

I don't even want to talk about oral. Seeing as michelle is so proud that she was being extremely 'helpful' in gesturing to people when it was really the thing that made me get eleven after panicking, screwing up everything and making ms chan think I didn't prepare anything.

Well, I talked about oral. Big whoop. I'm just thankful that the tears leaked out after miss chan left, yeah.

Goodbye, little 4.0, distant hope, unrealistic dream,

impossibility.

Confusion. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Does it mean anything to you that when I press 1 three times when I sms, the sad face pops up, automatically?

And I use it, automatically?

I want to do aaheli lots and lots of favours. Exam period. I must find some way to switch seats with her more often. Michelle is really very demoralising and I don't even know whether she means it or not. Surely something as blatant as STOP GLOATING IT'S DEPRESSING AND I FEEL STUPID is straightforward enough, but that innocent face, blinkblink and "what?" just seems so dead to me now. I can't stand it any more. And I really don't want to be cranky, and I still love michelle, but even if it's just term four, especially since it's TERM FOUR, I want to switch seats.

I don't want to become a cranky mean old senior, citizen. And I don't want to lose my friends, but how, when i want to tell them so much that will definitely offend them, without offending them? How, when they are hurting me, though unintentionally, or so I think?

Why is it that thenicer they try to be, the sadder I am? Is it because they remind me of everything? Because I think I've failed them somehow? Because I just feel like everything might just be happy if I have friends like that who'll stick around? Because I suspect they don't really care, after all, and are just happy it's not them who it happened to?

"Who can trust humans?" I thought I had a foolproof plan, and then he died.

I thought... I thought... and I'm never right. what happened to our wonderful Hermits in Caravans life?

Wouldn't it be better if we just stayed that way? Who cares about fighting evil people with scary weapons? Isn't it better than facing the truth you can't escape, the depression that comes with it, and the general dislike of life, the universe, and everything? In trying to improve living standards, haven't they actually decreased? as things get more and more complicated, as we generally drift away from how they were at the beginning, which was Perfectly Fine, everything plummets.

I listen. There are little msn bleeping alerts, signalling that joelle is telling me everything is okay, though it isn't. I close my eyes. Music plays in the background. Maybe if I close my eyes then I'll be drifted away, though temporarily. but even that moment of peace can't be granted, someone has to burst in grumpily and yell at me to vent whatever anger she had from whatever place. If you claim to know me so well, why don't you care that I'm being ripped apart? What I need now is to take a break from the general unfairness of life.

drip.

drip.

drip.

until my eyes are dry, my face is damp, but my heart is still crying.

Will it stop, ever?