Saturday, September 5, 2009
I feel like the people I trust don't trust me any more.
The people I trusted don't trust me any more.
The people who were my friends don't really want to be.
And the people who made me happy didn't mean it sincerely.
Or maybe I'm just a selfish narcissistic fool.
Maybe both.
I need my friends most when I have problems
What if they're my problems?
Current Best Friend List:
~Penguin! :DD big squishy cute wonky nosed PENGUIN.
~Spikey (he flowered! I'm so proud of him)
~Quetzalcochitl (admittedly this name was stolen from the Donald Duck list of children, but it does have a relation to flowers, so yeah.) the portulacca who flowered pink ones! :DD
~ Fiorella, the other portulacca with the one flower. Don't worry fio! YOU'LL GROOOOW.
~my baby pillow *dreamyness* which nothing can ever replace for the memories and the SOFTNESS.
what an exciting social life. what a large social circle.
Maybe they're the only ones I can trust. Maybe they're the ones who care most. the most unwavering, the most perfect, the most loving?
Then why is there more to it? Why is that not enough?
And why are they still as good as the lying backstabbing pretenseful people?
And why do I love those people any way?
I feel so insecure. Just when i thought that everything was going to be fine, it plummets down again, and this time I'm not sure I can get back up.
!draw a smile out of tears♥ says: (9:45:59 PM)
it's not there are some boundaries, but not too many.
!draw a smile out of tears♥ says: (9:46:08 PM)
it's there are more boundaries than I can handle.
[c=20]everyone in africa knows swedish ♥[/c] says: (9:53:27 PM)
there are no boundaries
[c=20]everyone in africa knows swedish ♥[/c] says: (9:53:27 PM)
and that is the problem
I don't understand anything.
Everything is a mess.
I just need something to hold on to, something that hasn't changed, something that's still the exam-passing, nice, happy, me. Someone who has a future.
Mostly I emo here now, because it's in the hope that this is the place people just aren't interested enough to go to. Or maybe because it's just full of emoing. But also because I strongly suspect even the nicest of nice people just can't be bothered to be nice to me any more, because who can stand a perpetually negative person?
Maybe years later I'll look back. Maybe months. I don't know if I'll laugh or cry.
Will I survive till then?
Patey blogged at 9/05/2009 09:41:00 PM
